Due to the fear of Losing Leverage in a Relationship, those who are still smarting from pain are not eager to risk being hurt again. They assume that if they forgive the guilty party, he or she will feel free to repeat the offence.This brings up an important point:

 Forgiveness does not guarantee change in the other person’s behaviour. Forgiveness is an act of obedience, not a tool of manipulation. It is a way of cleaning up the grudges and resentments that damage us. 

Although we cannot stop people from hurting themselves, we can, in some situations (if we are not legally or morally tied to the offender), guard ourselves against repeated injury. By removing ourselves from the relationship or by changing the rules of engagement, we can limit the person’s ability to continue hurtful behaviour.

Fear of Losing Hope for a Better Relationship. Some people have expectations for friends and family that are too high. As years go by, repeated foolish choices and ongoing evidence of serious character flaws devastate those who expect too much. In such cases, it is necessary to forgive people simply for being who and what they are and to accept that they probably are not going to change.

Fear of Losing the Image of Superiority. Holding an offence against another person places us in a “good guy, bad guy” picture with ourselves wearing the white hat. Imagining that we are better than others makes us feel good, but such a prideful attitude is unacceptable to God. When we hold people captive to our judgement, we play God in their lives. This places us in an unwinnable wrestling match with our Creator, who, as the apostle James reminded us, ” God opposes the proud” (James 4:6).NIV

17, Misconceptions of Forgiveness

Some of the greatest obstacles to forgiveness are the misconceptions about what it is. Realising what is not may make it easier.